Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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