Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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