Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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