WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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