Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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