it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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