go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
