At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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