all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
