3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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