If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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