When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
