so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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