Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
its not stalking. its research.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
