You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
