Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize