remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize