I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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