I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
