My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
