Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
