That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
