She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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