what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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