I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
