I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Randomize
