is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
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So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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