chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have peed in a lot of sinks
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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