i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
