she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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