You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
