naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
