i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
