Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
