I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
