I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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