you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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