i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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