dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
