There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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