Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
