Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
