how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
MIDGETS
????
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
