If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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