hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
