..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
