I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
