matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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