You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
