I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
