If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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