'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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