Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
