so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
