I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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