all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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