babies were throwing up all over the place
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize