i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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