Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
