That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
