You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
