Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You can't special order awesome
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
