i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
