Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
