So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
