im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
