woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize