i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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