i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
