Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
