Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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