so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
