the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
