when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
